One of the many pieces of totally useless advice I was given as a young man just starting in ministry in 1970 was “Don’t make friends among the people in the church.” I think that was because in the circles I was part of, pastors suffered from a superiority complex and considered themselves to be at least one step up from the mere mortals in their congregations. So hanging out with lesser beings was to be avoided.

Thank goodness I didn’t go with that potentially crippling nonsense.

God made us for relationships – pastors too – in fact one of the saddest statistics I have read lately is the tragic number of church leaders who say they have no friends. I read a motto several years ago that declared, He who would have friends must show himself friendly and how true that is.

A few years ago I heard the British church leader Gerald Coates say there are three levels of friendship -

VENEER – This is how things start out, very surface, with everyone on their best behavior.

REALITY – Where the parties get to know each other better, faults and all.

COMMITMENT – This comes when you know the person’s faults but love them anyway.

I am blessed to have so many people around me who have reached that third level. Committed friends, real friends. That’s not playing church, it’s being church.