DuAnneSeeley.com

Everyone likes to win. Whether it is your kids basketball team or the football team you cheer for, we all prefer to win. Should it be any different in the church? We are in a battle against darkness and we know in the end that the victory has already been won by the Lord. However, while we are on this earth we are in a battle to win people for Christ, to save marriages and to develop passionate followers of Jesus.

You know that who a coach chooses to be his starting line up is critical. I have already written articles on the importance of choosing your inner circle carefully. (To see these articles type in “inner circle” on the blog search.) If you are a leader in ministry please take seriously who your starting line up is. If you have the wrong people on your team it could be the #1 reason you are not seeing the results you desire for the glory of God. John Maxwell said “One of the greatest lessons I’ve ever learned is that the people closest to me determine my level of success or failure.

There will always be people who will grumble you are showing favoritism because they were not “chosen” for a particular ministry or role. It is a fact that we cannot please people and please God at the same time. Please the Lord and the results will follow. Every Christian has been given a spiritual gift. Always remember pleasing God is #1. Our job is to help people find their sweet spot.

Ministry leadership teams must be chosen. Jesus chose his team. He didn’t call for a vote of who his ministry team would be. It was not a popularity contest. He made personal decisions after prayer. 5 principles Jesus modeled in choosing a winning team:

1.  Selection - He handpicked them.  Jesus prayed ALL NIGHT. (Luke 6:12) If we model our ministry after the ministry of Jesus we will NOT choose a ministry team by giving an invite from the pulpit or in the church bulletin. Prayer is #1.

2.  Motivation - He selected the ones he personally wanted. There was chemistry.  When there is chemistry you can motivate more powerfully. If you don’t have chemistry with a person it will be very difficult to motivate them.  Without this chemistry you will lack influence in their lives.

3.  Connection - He chose them to BE with him, he connected with them. You will not connect with everyone and this is also needed for a team to be successful. People need to be on a ministry team where they connect with the leader.

4.  Permission - Jesus released them after giving them specific assignments and then he gave them feedback. This is mentoring. It will be a problem if you have someone on  your team who is not teachable to you. If they are not teachable to you they would be more successful on a different ministry team with someone they are teachable with. Again this is helping them find their best seat on the bus. It’s okay that not everyone is teachable to you.

5.  Commission - AFTER a person has been selected and trained they are empowered and given authority to do the job. Putting a person out to early will hinder the team from winning. Jesus mentored his team for 3 years before leaving them. (Matthew 28) After over 25 years of ministry I have learned one of the worst mistakes a leader can make is to recruit a person and put him out too soon. This is not setting a person up for success.

What has been your positive and negative experience with ministry teams? Would appreciate your feedback!

Life is full and a new year is a great time to evaluate and look at where you are and where you are going. Here are a few questions I find helpful to answer which force me to focus on the priority of life and not get lost in the trivial.

1.  What are my fondest memories of 2011?

2.  What did I learn about God, myself, calling, my spouse?

3.  When in the past year did I feel the most alive to God? Why?

4.  What were my defining moments?

5.  As I move into 2012, is a majority of my energy being spent on things that drain or energize me?

6. What books impacted me most in 2011? What books should I add to my read list for 2012?

7.  What 2-3 things have I put off that I need to do now?

8.  What should I keep doing…stop doing…start doing? (ask my spouse)

9.  What is my plan for extended time with the Lord?

10. How and when will I invest in marriage, family and friends?

11.  What specifically can I do to help build great memories for my children in 2012?

12.  How am I preparing for 10 years from now?

What have you done for a year end review? What would you add to this list?

Like many of my you I spend extended time at every New Year to reflect and personal evaluation.  Tomorrow I will share the type of questions that I  have used for 25+ years and how it impacts my growth process.  Today I want to share what I have done with my children.  This morning we reflected on Jeremiah 29:11 and each of us prayed together. Each of my sons (age 13 & 16) were asked to write down the answer to these 6 questions:

1.  What were some of your best memories of 2011?

2.  How are you doing in your relationship with Jesus compared to a year ago?

3.  Is there anything you want to do to help you grow in your relationship with Jesus in 2012?

4.  Are  you closer to your friends of good influence and family today than you were a year ago?  Give each relationship a number from 1-10. Can anything be done to improve the relationship?

5.  Is there anything you want to do in the new year to grow, develop your passion or have fun? Narrow list and prioritize.

6.  If you could change one thing about those in your immediate family in 2012 (dad, mom, brother and self) what would it be?

After reflecting and writing we spent time sharing together.  It was insightful and helpful. It was good to let the boys share first on each point. I learned some new things and got confirmation on some things. My hope is that they will eventually desire to perform this exercise on their own as they seek their own pathway for growth.

Relationship is what will give your life so much fulfillment and meaning. A true friend is more valuable than gold. Yet real friendship seems to be such a rare commodity these days. A true friend is a real friend. People seem to value convenience over real relationship. Being a good friend takes time and commitment. It takes being truthful with grace. Transparency with trust. Freedom to be honest.

Are you a good friend? Don’t assume you are. Here are 7-signs that you are not a good friend:

1.  You are negative. Every one has a bad day now and then but if you always see the glass half empty you will drain the life out of those you are with. Being positive is a choice. Show me a person who is consistently negative and I will show you a person who is not feasting on the Word of God. You cannot bask in the presence of God on a regular basis and remain negative.

2.  You are easily offended. You get your feelings hurt a lot and people feel like they have to walk on egg shells around you.

3.  When you get hurt you pout. Instead of putting on your big girl panties and dealing with it in a healthy way you hold a grudge.

4.  You’re high maintenance. You get jealous of their time and other friends.

5.  You are two faced. You are one way with some people and another way with others. You are not consistently the same.

6.  You blab. With any information you get from a “friend” you share it with others because it makes you feel significant to be privy to such.

7.  You would prefer them to please you rather than the Lord or His Word.

What would you add to this list?

For months I thought about what to give my son for his 16th birthday. I sought advice. I surfed the web. I asked other teens. I solicited feedback on FB and Twitter. No idea received had the impact that I desired. Not even a car would have the punch I was looking for. As most parents I deeply love my child. I wanted to give him something spectacular. Something life changing. Was it possible? Yes. With God all things are possible.

Two months prior to Matthew’s birthday I asked 16 men Todd and I highly respect if they would write a birthday letter to him. My request was that the letter contain one piece of advice they would recommend on manhood to a boy turning 16. Everyone I asked is extremely busy. Some travel around the world. Some are highly sought leaders and mentors. Some are quiet leaders in their own world. These adult men are passionate Christ followers as well as husbands and fathers. They are everything we pray that Matthew will one day become. I was humbled at the response. As the letters came in I put them unopened in a binder.

At the birthday dinner I presented the wrapped binder last. On the cover was a title page that said 16 Letters to a Boy Turning 16. He was moved and after reading the letters said it was his favorite gift. It had the impact I had sought for.

Special thanks to all who impact the lives of youth today. It is my desire to see kids everywhere grow in character, discipline, self-esteem and leadership as they reach their potential in Christ. Only then will we see successful and healthy adults that impact culture.

Who are you? There are numerous benefits to knowing who you are. Knowing yourself will enable you to know others. It is only when you understand your strenghts and weaknesses and how God has made you that you will be able to live a life of greatest impact. Not to mention personal fulfillment. Do you know what your sweet spot is? Using your gifts will energize you. Studies show that up to 80% of people are in jobs they dislike. Ouch. You can be part of the 20%.

I’ve helped teens and seniors figure out what their gift mix is. It is never too late to learn. If you think you are too old then you might as well die. If you are alive God still wants to use you. Even if you are 75 I believe knowing who you are can enable you to leave a better legacy and impact for eternity. You are only a decision away from making the rest of your life the best.

I have a high tolerance for people different from me. That in part is attributed to studying and learning personality, strengths and spiritual gifts of others different than myself in my early 20’s. I don’t believe there is just one way to do something nor is there always a wrong way and a right way. There can be a variety of ways. When I see opinionated, negative and critical people I see people who not only don’t know themselves very well but they don’t understand others. Having a “we” and “them” attitude is sometimes due to an attitude of feeling different is wrong. Different is just different. It’s okay to be different. The apostle Paul learned to be all things to all men in order to reach some.

When I take on someone new to coach or mentor I do a personal evaluation which includes spiritual gift assessment, DISC, Myers-Briggs, Strength-Finder and Ministry Profile Discovery. It is after this Discovery Phase that I can coach and mentor in personal and ministry life. I have seen people resign from ministry because when they  were in the wrong position. Have you considered quitting lately? Knowing yourself will enable you to find the right seat on the bus. Using your strengths will bring great joy.

For over a year I took a break from WIN and LEAD (2 ministries I serve) to help my husband with his church. I love and adore my husband but the church had such great need that I spent 60 hour weeks on admin just helping with the jump start. For over 20 years I was used to having my own admin support and I was the lone administrative person for the whole church. I’m good at admin but it is not my sweet spot or what God called me to do. One morning during my devotional time I had a wake up call during prayer. I was off the my faith path and needed to make some decisions. With my husbands full support I pulled back and today he chooses how I serve him very carefully. My job is to lift his load and do for him what others will not and cannot do. I am an innovative and strategic leader with the gift of  leadership, teaching, faith and evangelism. Prayer is a strong conviction and therefore a prioritiy. In DISC and Strength Finder my profile  is Achiever and Developer. in Myers-Briggs I am ENTJ. Beginning or Leading new ministries and Spiritual Transformation roles are a natural fit. i.e. Coaching, Mentoring & Leadership Development. I enjoy helping someone develop a working strategy to live out their vision. Looking back at 25 years of ministry I understand how mentoring others and coaching has been a source of fruit and joy. This is my design.

What about you? Have you discovered your sweet spot? Are you in the right seat on the bus? Where can God use your gifts for the greatest return for the kingdom? Sometimes  timing is an issue but it is never too late to late to get on the faith path you were designed for.

As an intuitive leader I don’t believe in a cookie cutter approach to pastoral consulting, coaching or mentoring because every person, church and situation is unique. However there are 10 basic questions that any good pastor shepherd or coach should start with. Where you go from there is based on intuition.  I have seen some great mentors in my day, and I have seen some not so good. The not so good are those who don’t have a clue about pastoral coaching but somehow are in that position. This person really just wants to see if there are results and therefore will usually just talk about the destination. They are oblivious to strategy or how to develop people in leadership which will raise leadership potential. This type of “coach” is also clueless to the importance of relationship and how to develop it with a variety of personality types. Spiritual formation may not be the best fit for this person but nonetheless he has this role. With a desire to grow this pastor coach can become more effective.

Here are the questions I ask:

1.  How are you doing personally?  Spiritually? Family? Physically? Mentally? (I will go deeper according to response.)

2.  Talk about your devotional life? How is God speaking to you through the Word? (Find out if this is separate from teaching prep.)

3. How are you growing? What is your growth plan?

4.  What are you currently reading?

5.  Tell me about your prayer life?

6. What are your greatest strengths?  Weaknesses?

7.  Are you spending the majority of your time using your strengths?

8.  Who is your network?  Who is your inner circle?

9.  Update me on your vision for the church?  Strategy?

10. Who are you personally investing in? Are they reproducing?

Another benefit to good questions is to help you connect. Without connection you will not have influence. This is a skill that anyone can learn. Learn to ask good questions can help you take a quantum leap in your leadership. Apply these principles and those your shepherd will be more motivated and inspired.

Many of my pastor friends do a “Sunday Night Dump” which is a blog of random thoughts on their mind from the week. Tried to do that a couple of times here. I love the concept but the phrase Sunday Night Dump is just not me. Today I remember 25 years ago when I went on staff at my first church. A pastor friend said to me:  Start a bouquet file asap. I had never heard of that but it is a file where you keep encouraging cards, notes, letters, photos, or anything that can fit, to revisit at times of fatigue, discouragement or wondering why you do what you do. I took that advice and still incorporate this into my life. I have a paper “bouquet file” and also an online one. Because writing is a hobby that energizes me, I thought I would share a bouquet with you from the last week. It is amazing all that can happen in just a 7 day period!

Thank you Jesus for….

1. Person who prayed to receive Jesus into their heart.

2. Youth ministry meeting Wednesday morning.

3. Boys getting to spend time with Jim and Kay.

4. Call from Baptist Church.

5. Robert.

6. Hugs from my children.

7. Rachel.

8. Call from UMC.

9. The Wharf.

10. Evelyn.

11. Rick, Kelly, Anita.

12. Robert & Judy.

13. Julia’s authentic heart for Jesus, His church and children.

14. A bike ride with my son.

The leader will take feedback and questions from her people but will act on what she believes is right.

Top Ten Qualities I Look For In My Inner Circle

1.  Relationship with God - Her love relationship with God is more important than any other single factor in her life.  A woman can be the most gifted, intelligent and best communicator in the world, but if she does not possess a growing and dynamic walk with Jesus how can she lead others in this?  Everything in her Christian life should be an overflow of her walk with the Lord.  Is she passionate about this?

2.  Character - Most leadership failures come from lack of character rather than lack of intelligence.  You can do much to mentor a person in ministry and leadership skills but you are completely vulnerable to the person with a weak character.  The weakness will show up at the time of highest stress, at the very time you need the person to step up to the plate. Character is sectional, like a grapefruit.  Everyone has strong sections and weak.  One person may be strongly loyal to the CEO, but irresponsible and lack discipline in the day to day.  Another person person may be loyal and responsible until she gets a chance to enhance her ego.  She may begin to envy the recognition of another and question why she is not getting the same.  Ego will weaken character as much as anything I know.  As a leader you must evaluate all the sections, build on the good ones and avoid the weak ones. The bottom line is that you need people of strong character that you can count on.

3.  Flexible - Third I want a person who is flexible and does not confuse flexibility with lack of integrity.  Some people accuse others of lacking integrity, when the issue has nothing to do with that.  The only thing at stake is flexibility.  One of the things that indicates a healthy flexibility is optimism.  Positive people look at change as expected and part of growing a church or organization. Negative people are opinionated and think their was is the only way of doing something and feel threatened if challenged.

4.  Excited About Learning - I like to have people around me who are hungry to grow.  Nothing helps a church or organization more than a leader who wants to grow.

5.  Team Players - A true team player does not poach on other people’s responsibility but is available to help at their request.  When she sits in a meeting she is open in her remarks and does not go around making comments privately.

6.  Confronts in a Healthy Manner - The purpose of confronting conflict is to redeem not to destroy.  Deal with any anger prior to the confrontation so that your motive is pure and the relationship is not  destroyed.

7.  Comfortable Being Reviewed - In business this is done on a regular basis.  But in the Christian setting many people seem to resist review.  They feel that they have been called and gifted by God and therefore the Pastor, President, CEO or Department Head is not really their supervisor—God is.  They have the attitude that “we are all equal on this team.”  If their concept of what God wants them to do (which is usually what they enjoy doing) conflicts with what the organization expects of them, it’s too bad.  Such an attitude brings havoc into the work of the kingdom.

8.  Slow to Anger - If a person has a problem with anger it will be a show up in every area of life.  They can hide it for a while but eventually it will surface.  People are like a tube of toothpaste. When squeezed from life pressure and stress, what is on the inside will always come out. Angry people people are usually negative and also pout. This will suck the life out of you. “Keep away from angry, short-tempered men, lest you learn to be like them and endanger your soul.”  Proverbs 22:24

9.  Positive Attitude - Negative people will suck the life out of you.  Run from them. Enough said.

10.  Sense of Humor - Life is short so my inner circle must have a great sense of humor.   My sense of humor developed while serving on staff at Skyline Church in San Diego.  We laughed so much (all the time) that it’s a wonder we ever got any work done.  Laughter is great medicine.

How can we find and recruit such people?  My three steps are pray, invest, and select which I will talk about on another post.  Next week I will talk about What To Do When You Realize You Made a Mistake in Choosing Someone For Your Inner Circle?