DuAnneSeeley.com

Has anyone noticed that the culture has changed so much that there is an extreme disconnect between Christianity and Holiness? So much so that the phrase “Don’t judge me” is rampant not just among the liberal and folks hostile to the judeo-Christian community but among those who claim to be be a Christ follower. Many folks today don’t want any accountability for their actions and when called out on something that is contrary to how God tells us we are to live there is a meltdown. “Don’t judge me” they scream when in fact what this communicates is I want to be in control of my life and don’t want want accountability from God  or anyone else. I demand your approval and acceptance of any behavior I so choose whether you like it or not. The irony is that this reminds us of those who scream there are no absolutes. Only this group desires to live a life of choice without anyone asking a question of them regarding their choices regardless of whether it is contrary to God’s standard in his holy word. Yes we are still told in Scripture to live a holy life even in 2012.

When is the last time you heard teaching on holiness? Church? Small Group?  Discipleship Group? Accountability Group? I am thankful that God has put others around me to speak truth into my life. How about you? Who are the 5 people closest to you? Do they just listen and keep their mouth shut because they think that is what you  prefer? If you don’t have people who will speak God’s truth to you on a regular basis it may be that you are missing out on some of the best friendships possible. An honest relationship will always be deeper and more rewarding than a superficial one. Relationships are very important to me.  Honest relationships.

Reading an excellent book now and though I am not finished I want to recommend it. “Holiness For Ordinary People” is by Keith Drury.

Thoughts?

Has anyone noticed that the culture has changed so much that there is an extreme disconnect between Christianity and Holiness? So much so that the phrase “Don’t judge me” is rampant not just among the liberal and folks hostile to the judeo-Christian community but among those who claim to be be a Christ follower. Many folks today don’t want any accountability for their actions and when called out on something that is contrary to how God tells us we are to live there is a meltdown. “Don’t judge me” they scream when in fact what this communicates is I want to be in control of my life and don’t want want accountability from God  or anyone else. I demand your approval and acceptance of any behavior I so choose whether you like it or not. The irony is that this reminds us of those who scream there are no absolutes. Only this group desires to live a life of choice without anyone asking a question of them regarding their choices regardless of whether it is contrary to God’s standard in his holy word. Yes we are still told in Scripture to live a holy life even in 2012.

When is the last time you heard teaching on holiness? Church? Small Group?  Discipleship Group? Accountability Group? I am thankful that God has put others around me to speak truth into my life. How about you? Who are the 5 people closest to you? Do they just listen and keep their mouth shut because they think that is what you  prefer? If you don’t have people who will speak God’s truth to you on a regular basis it may be that you are missing out on some of the best friendships possible. An honest relationship will always be deeper than a superficial one.

Reading an excellent book now and though I am not finished I want to recommend it. “Holiness For Ordinary People” is by Keith Drury.

Thoughts?

Recently (and several times in the last few years) I have been asked to share our family core values. I have hesitated because of believing each family should pray and then come up with their own. Today I decided to share not because any family should use what we have, but maybe as a catalyst to get started.

Before writing I want to say that over the years these core values have been tweaked and updated as we have felt they needed to be. I expect they will continue to change a little even though the principles will remain.

SEELEY FAMILY CORE VALUES

1.  Love God with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength. Deuteronomy 6:5 This means we will love God and love what he loves as well as hate what he hates. If we love God we will obey him and his word. i.e. spend time with him daily, be pure (not putting our eyes before evil things,) tithe, keep the Sabbath by attending church faithfully whether you feel like it or not. These are just a few but Scripture is filled with many principles we are to obey.   If we love him our decisions will be based on his word not our preferences.

2. Prayer changes things. Cultivate a faith life via prayer.

3. Serve one another. Mark 10:45 Life is not just about you. Really.

4. Love and Show respect for one another. Speaking truth is a high complement to someone according to Scripture. Say please and thank you. Give honor. Especially to our spiritual leaders. Hebrews 13:17

5. Attitude is a choice. Nothing quenches the Holy Spirit faster than a bad attitude, a negative or critical spirit. You cannot be filled with the Holy Spirit and have a bad attitude at the same time. Your attitude will determine your altitude in everything.

6. Personal growth and education is a privilege. Have a growth plan but be flexible. Be all you can be for Christ. Do your best in learning. Education will open up more doors for you than you can imagine. Proverbs 23:15-16

7. Choose your friends very carefully. You WILL become like those you spend time with. If we are aware of negative relationships we will do everything we can to redirect you in the right direction.

8. Do the right thing regardless of emotions. Don’t forget that your word is your bond. Let your yes be yes. Take it around 3rd base. Keep a short account with God and others. This means dealing thoroughly with sin regardless of how you feel.

9. Be emotionally healthy. Your emotional health will determine who you marry. Proverbs 24:10

10. Become a leader of others. Learn all you can about what the Bible says about leadership. Learn from other godly examples of leadership. Develop the leader within you. Add value to others as often as you can.

Over the years we have explained these in a variety of ways to our children. Have we ever fallen short? YES. Absolutely. More often that we would like! But these are the values we attempt to live by and raise our children by. It is only through prayer that we can live how he has asked us to live according to his word. We are still raising our children and pray they will grow up and be passionate followers of Jesus.  At this place in the game we come back to these 10 Core Values all the time. I believe it helps to tell our boys why we do or don’t do something.

Would love to hear if your family has core values and how they have impacted your life.

Everyone likes to win. Whether it is your kids basketball team or the football team you cheer for, we all prefer to win. Should it be any different in the church? We are in a battle against darkness and we know in the end that the victory has already been won by the Lord. However, while we are on this earth we are in a battle to win people for Christ, to save marriages and to develop passionate followers of Jesus.

You know that who a coach chooses to be his starting line up is critical. I have already written articles on the importance of choosing your inner circle carefully. (To see these articles type in “inner circle” on the blog search.) If you are a leader in ministry please take seriously who your starting line up is. If you have the wrong people on your team it could be the #1 reason you are not seeing the results you desire for the glory of God. John Maxwell said “One of the greatest lessons I’ve ever learned is that the people closest to me determine my level of success or failure.

There will always be people who will grumble you are showing favoritism because they were not “chosen” for a particular ministry or role. It is a fact that we cannot please people and please God at the same time. Please the Lord and the results will follow. Every Christian has been given a spiritual gift. Always remember pleasing God is #1. Our job is to help people find their sweet spot.

Ministry leadership teams must be chosen. Jesus chose his team. He didn’t call for a vote of who his ministry team would be. It was not a popularity contest. He made personal decisions after prayer. 5 principles Jesus modeled in choosing a winning team:

1.  Selection - He handpicked them.  Jesus prayed ALL NIGHT. (Luke 6:12) If we model our ministry after the ministry of Jesus we will NOT choose a ministry team by giving an invite from the pulpit or in the church bulletin. Prayer is #1.

2.  Motivation - He selected the ones he personally wanted. There was chemistry.  When there is chemistry you can motivate more powerfully. If you don’t have chemistry with a person it will be very difficult to motivate them.  Without this chemistry you will lack influence in their lives.

3.  Connection - He chose them to BE with him, he connected with them. You will not connect with everyone and this is also needed for a team to be successful. People need to be on a ministry team where they connect with the leader.

4.  Teachable - Jesus released them after giving them specific assignments and then he gave them feedback. This is mentoring. It will be a problem if you have someone on  your team who is not teachable to you. If they are not teachable to you they would be more successful on a different ministry team with someone they are teachable with. Again this is helping them find their best seat on the bus. It’s okay that not everyone is teachable to you.

5.  Commission - AFTER a person has been selected and trained they are empowered and given authority to do the job. Putting a person out to early will hinder the team from winning. Jesus mentored his team for 3 years before leaving them. (Matthew 28) After over 25 years of ministry I have learned one of the worst mistakes a leader can make is to recruit a person and put him out too soon. This is not setting a person up for success.

What has been your positive and negative experience with ministry teams? Would appreciate your feedback!

Life is full and a new year is a great time to evaluate and look at where you are and where you are going. Here are a few questions I find helpful to answer which force me to focus on the priority of life and not get lost in the trivial.

1.  What are my fondest memories of 2011?

2.  What did I learn about God, myself, calling, my spouse?

3.  When in the past year did I feel the most alive to God? Why?

4.  What were my defining moments?

5.  As I move into 2012, is a majority of my energy being spent on things that drain or energize me?

6. What books impacted me most in 2011? What books should I add to my read list for 2012?

7.  What 2-3 things have I put off that I need to do now?

8.  What should I keep doing…stop doing…start doing? (ask my spouse)

9.  What is my plan for extended time with the Lord?

10. How and when will I invest in marriage, family and friends?

11.  What specifically can I do to help build great memories for my children in 2012?

12.  How am I preparing for 10 years from now?

What have you done for a year end review? What would you add to this list?

Like many of my you I spend extended time at every New Year to reflect and personal evaluation.  Tomorrow I will share the type of questions that I  have used for 25+ years and how it impacts my growth process.  Today I want to share what I have done with my children.  This morning we reflected on Jeremiah 29:11 and each of us prayed together. Each of my sons (age 13 & 16) were asked to write down the answer to these 6 questions:

1.  What were some of your best memories of 2011?

2.  How are you doing in your relationship with Jesus compared to a year ago?

3.  Is there anything you want to do to help you grow in your relationship with Jesus in 2012?

4.  Are  you closer to your friends of good influence and family today than you were a year ago?  Give each relationship a number from 1-10. Can anything be done to improve the relationship?

5.  Is there anything you want to do in the new year to grow, develop your passion or have fun? Narrow list and prioritize.

6.  If you could change one thing about those in your immediate family in 2012 (dad, mom, brother and self) what would it be?

After reflecting and writing we spent time sharing together.  It was insightful and helpful. It was good to let the boys share first on each point. I learned some new things and got confirmation on some things. My hope is that they will eventually desire to perform this exercise on their own as they seek their own pathway for growth.

Relationship is what will give your life so much fulfillment and meaning. A true friend is more valuable than gold. Yet real friendship seems to be such a rare commodity these days. A true friend is a real friend. People seem to value convenience over real relationship. Being a good friend takes time and commitment. It takes being truthful with grace. Transparency with trust. Freedom to be honest.

Are you a good friend? Don’t assume you are. Here are 7-signs that you are not a good friend:

1.  You are negative. Every one has a bad day now and then but if you always see the glass half empty you will drain the life out of those you are with. Being positive is a choice. Show me a person who is consistently negative and I will show you a person who is not feasting on the Word of God. You cannot bask in the presence of God on a regular basis and remain negative.

2.  You are easily offended. You get your feelings hurt a lot and people feel like they have to walk on egg shells around you.

3.  When you get hurt you pout. Instead of putting on your big girl panties and dealing with it in a healthy way you hold a grudge.

4.  You’re high maintenance. You get jealous of their time and other friends.

5.  You are two faced. You are one way with some people and another way with others. You are not consistently the same.

6.  You blab. With any information you get from a “friend” you share it with others because it makes you feel significant to be privy to such.

7.  You would prefer them to please you rather than the Lord or His Word.

What would you add to this list?

For months I thought about what to give my son for his 16th birthday. I sought advice. I surfed the web. I asked other teens. I solicited feedback on FB and Twitter. No idea received had the impact that I desired. Not even a car would have the punch I was looking for. As most parents I deeply love my child. I wanted to give him something spectacular. Something life changing. Was it possible? Yes. With God all things are possible.

Two months prior to Matthew’s birthday I asked 16 men Todd and I highly respect if they would write a birthday letter to him. My request was that the letter contain one piece of advice they would recommend on manhood to a boy turning 16. Everyone I asked is extremely busy. Some travel around the world. Some are highly sought leaders and mentors. Some are quiet leaders in their own world. These adult men are passionate Christ followers as well as husbands and fathers. They are everything we pray that Matthew will one day become. I was humbled at the response. As the letters came in I put them unopened in a binder.

At the birthday dinner I presented the wrapped binder last. On the cover was a title page that said 16 Letters to a Boy Turning 16. He was moved and after reading the letters said it was his favorite gift. It had the impact I had sought for.

Special thanks to all who impact the lives of youth today. It is my desire to see kids everywhere grow in character, discipline, self-esteem and leadership as they reach their potential in Christ. Only then will we see successful and healthy adults that impact culture.

Who are you? There are numerous benefits to knowing who you are. Knowing yourself will enable you to know others. It is only when you understand your strenghts and weaknesses and how God has made you that you will be able to live a life of greatest impact. Not to mention personal fulfillment. Do you know what your sweet spot is? Using your gifts will energize you. Studies show that up to 80% of people are in jobs they dislike. Ouch. You can be part of the 20%.

I’ve helped teens and seniors figure out what their gift mix is. It is never too late to learn. If you think you are too old then you might as well die. If you are alive God still wants to use you. Even if you are 75 I believe knowing who you are can enable you to leave a better legacy and impact for eternity. You are only a decision away from making the rest of your life the best.

I have a high tolerance for people different from me. That in part is attributed to studying and learning personality, strengths and spiritual gifts of others different than myself in my early 20’s. I don’t believe there is just one way to do something nor is there always a wrong way and a right way. There can be a variety of ways. When I see opinionated, negative and critical people I see people who not only don’t know themselves very well but they don’t understand others. Having a “we” and “them” attitude is sometimes due to an attitude of feeling different is wrong. Different is just different. It’s okay to be different. The apostle Paul learned to be all things to all men in order to reach some.

When I take on someone new to coach or mentor I do a personal evaluation which includes spiritual gift assessment, DISC, Myers-Briggs, Strength-Finder and Ministry Profile Discovery. It is after this Discovery Phase that I can coach and mentor in personal and ministry life. I have seen people resign from ministry because when they  were in the wrong position. Have you considered quitting lately? Knowing yourself will enable you to find the right seat on the bus. Using your strengths will bring great joy.

For over a year I took a break from WIN and LEAD (2 ministries I serve) to help my husband with his church. I love and adore my husband but the church had such great need that I spent 60 hour weeks on admin just helping with the jump start. For over 20 years I was used to having my own admin support and I was the lone administrative person for the whole church. I’m good at admin but it is not my sweet spot or what God called me to do. One morning during my devotional time I had a wake up call during prayer. I was off the my faith path and needed to make some decisions. With my husbands full support I pulled back and today he chooses how I serve him very carefully. My job is to lift his load and do for him what others will not and cannot do. I am an innovative and strategic leader with the gift of  leadership, teaching, faith and evangelism. Prayer is a strong conviction and therefore a prioritiy. In DISC and Strength Finder my profile  is Achiever and Developer. in Myers-Briggs I am ENTJ. Beginning or Leading new ministries and Spiritual Transformation roles are a natural fit. i.e. Coaching, Mentoring & Leadership Development. I enjoy helping someone develop a working strategy to live out their vision. Looking back at 25 years of ministry I understand how mentoring others and coaching has been a source of fruit and joy. This is my design.

What about you? Have you discovered your sweet spot? Are you in the right seat on the bus? Where can God use your gifts for the greatest return for the kingdom? Sometimes  timing is an issue but it is never too late to late to get on the faith path you were designed for.